My Dear Diary
claudzilla Diary Friday 16, May 2008  

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This is a journal about my ups and downs with bipolar disorder. I want so badly to live a "normal" life...but as the title says "this IS my normal".
This IS my normal
by claudzilla
Age: 41  Sex: F

432 Entries
# Entry Date
1 So...very...tired! 14/05/2008 20:42 GMT
2 Don't know which way is up... 10/05/2008 13:57 GMT
3 In a field full of wildflowers-I am the dandelion 09/05/2008 08:20 GMT
4 The pain of rapid cycing...help me thru this 07/05/2008 12:27 GMT
5 About me...by me! 06/05/2008 04:15 GMT
6 Oops..has it really been a week since I updated? 01/05/2008 09:40 GMT
7 Don't feel like writng, but having a bad day 23/04/2008 15:06 GMT
8 An epiphony.... 18/04/2008 20:23 GMT
9 Isolation 17/04/2008 02:44 GMT
10 Don't feel much like writing... 15/04/2008 16:06 GMT
11 Not a stellar day... 11/04/2008 16:26 GMT
12 Scrambled brains... 09/04/2008 15:12 GMT
13 Riddled with anxiety today 04/04/2008 15:25 GMT
14 Hyper-caffenated! 02/04/2008 02:43 GMT
15 A realization...one day late 01/04/2008 06:44 GMT
16 Anxious & high strung 31/03/2008 19:53 GMT
17 I went to church today... 30/03/2008 21:25 GMT
18 I've discovered something about me... 28/03/2008 03:24 GMT
19 My 9 days away...in brief this time! 27/03/2008 19:10 GMT
20 I'm home...finally 27/03/2008 11:27 GMT
21 Pills....beckoning me 18/03/2008 12:12 GMT
22 A lost soul...crying for help 17/03/2008 11:00 GMT
23 Not well... 17/03/2008 04:01 GMT
24 Ah Sunday... 16/03/2008 06:49 GMT
25 Galavanting we go.... 15/03/2008 04:04 GMT
26 An update on my sister 14/03/2008 17:53 GMT
27 Up for half the night.... 14/03/2008 12:09 GMT
28 My 10 days away...days 1-5 13/03/2008 12:28 GMT
29 I'm home! 13/03/2008 11:05 GMT
30 My 10 days away...days 7-10 13/03/2008 03:44 GMT
31 My 10 days away...day 6 13/03/2008 02:10 GMT
32 Hospitalized............. 05/03/2008 08:19 GMT
33 An incredibly awful, really bad morning 03/03/2008 10:09 GMT
34 Sooooooo tired! 01/03/2008 08:58 GMT
35 2:45 am....huh? 01/03/2008 02:45 GMT
36 A perfectly OK day....for me! 29/02/2008 13:42 GMT
37 You Are Loved (Don't Give Up) 29/02/2008 02:33 GMT
38 Now what??? 28/02/2008 12:57 GMT
39 Happy dreams....crushing reality 28/02/2008 08:30 GMT
40 Update: some decent news 28/02/2008 05:58 GMT
41 Almost out of the hole 27/02/2008 09:52 GMT
42 Sushi and moodiness 27/02/2008 08:26 GMT
43 Slipped...fell into that hole....now what? 27/02/2008 02:04 GMT
44 AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS 26/02/2008 16:52 GMT
45 Things to remember... 26/02/2008 16:48 GMT
46 Just being 26/02/2008 12:52 GMT
47 Could it be....hormones???? 25/02/2008 20:07 GMT
48 Heading downwards.... 25/02/2008 12:42 GMT
49 Feeling phhhbbbbt (edit) 24/02/2008 21:00 GMT
50 The hole beckons.... 23/02/2008 10:57 GMT
51 Feeling better... 23/02/2008 04:40 GMT
52 A loooooooooooong coupla days 21/02/2008 20:48 GMT
53 Happy, happy, joy, joy...it'sTuesday 19/02/2008 07:32 GMT
54 "Rockband" Rocks!! 16/02/2008 00:04 GMT
55 Jabber 15/02/2008 21:40 GMT
56 Happy Valentine's Day! 14/02/2008 03:29 GMT
57 VROOOM....SCREEEECH....THUD! 13/02/2008 20:27 GMT
58 YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK! 13/02/2008 02:08 GMT
59 Yup, he's sick alright.... 12/02/2008 15:32 GMT
60 Another one bites the dust... 12/02/2008 09:36 GMT
61 I feel like the bad guy now... 12/02/2008 06:30 GMT
62 Down with the sickness 11/02/2008 06:02 GMT
63 So glad today is DONE! 10/02/2008 19:23 GMT
64 Boogity boogity boogity! Let's go racing boys!!!! 09/02/2008 08:17 GMT
65 Sick kid AGAIN 08/02/2008 16:00 GMT
66 Therapy day... 07/02/2008 12:00 GMT
67 Tell me this, is it wrong... 07/02/2008 02:19 GMT
68 Report card=aggrevation!!. 06/02/2008 02:04 GMT
69 *sigh* 05/02/2008 10:46 GMT
70 Pats lose...fun night tho! 04/02/2008 11:40 GMT
71 A good day at long last... 02/02/2008 09:00 GMT
72 A small ray of sunshine.... 01/02/2008 12:26 GMT
73 Heavy, wet, wool blanket... 31/01/2008 18:25 GMT
74 Wanna curl up and go *POOF!* 31/01/2008 08:44 GMT
75 An OK day... 30/01/2008 08:18 GMT
76 Blue funk...here we go again 29/01/2008 12:04 GMT
77 Monday's are like a vacuum.... 28/01/2008 07:41 GMT
78 Relax? Who me? 26/01/2008 08:01 GMT
79 Don't feel like going to work... 25/01/2008 10:47 GMT
80 I wish I was somewhere else 24/01/2008 20:45 GMT
81 Ahhhhhh, just a day 23/01/2008 19:55 GMT
82 My kiddo is sick! 22/01/2008 19:55 GMT
83 Football day.... 20/01/2008 12:33 GMT
84 Idle thoughts.... 20/01/2008 08:32 GMT
85 All stoofed up... 18/01/2008 07:46 GMT
86 A return to the 21st century! 17/01/2008 02:30 GMT
87 Meds adjusted...life is slowly getting better 11/01/2008 02:37 GMT
88 Happy New Year? I think not... 08/01/2008 10:50 GMT
89 A Christmas never to forget... 26/12/2007 02:07 GMT
90 One week to go 18/12/2007 10:08 GMT
91 The weekend catches up to me 10/12/2007 12:58 GMT
92 Holiday spirit kicks in big time! 07/12/2007 12:18 GMT
93 Life without the internet 03/12/2007 01:58 GMT
94 It's over...time to rest! 22/11/2007 20:07 GMT
95 My blessings for today... 22/11/2007 07:56 GMT
96 Ready...set...GO!! 21/11/2007 09:11 GMT
97 Better...better...better 20/11/2007 19:45 GMT
98 ...And a lousy day was had by all. 19/11/2007 19:35 GMT
99 Sunday update and a Halloween pic! 18/11/2007 21:15 GMT
100 One down...one to go! 17/11/2007 09:06 GMT
101 It's Friday! 16/11/2007 21:40 GMT
102 Procrastination rules! 15/11/2007 12:55 GMT
103 Spiritual visit? 14/11/2007 20:32 GMT
104 Shopper girls! 13/11/2007 20:00 GMT
105 And it all started with a funny joke... 13/11/2007 09:03 GMT
106 Migraine...and a doggy pic! 10/11/2007 14:29 GMT
107 One more sign.... 09/11/2007 12:08 GMT
108 Alone...by myself...just me....again. 08/11/2007 23:33 GMT
109 So very, very sad today :( 08/11/2007 11:28 GMT
110 Nightmares and another sleepy day... 06/11/2007 16:40 GMT
111 Monday...yup...it's Monday. 05/11/2007 18:58 GMT
112 It's great to live in New England! 04/11/2007 08:08 GMT
113 Rainy days and chicken zoop! 03/11/2007 18:30 GMT
114 So...very...tired! 02/11/2007 08:58 GMT
115 "I got a rock." 30/10/2007 20:02 GMT
116 Red Sox hangover! 29/10/2007 07:47 GMT
117 Sox, Pats, Tony and meatloaf!! 28/10/2007 07:39 GMT
118 1st Halloween Dance! 27/10/2007 12:46 GMT
119 So Happy It'sThursday 25/10/2007 08:34 GMT
120 Last night was actually good! 24/10/2007 09:06 GMT
121 I love him but...but...but... 24/10/2007 02:53 GMT
122 Bad attitudes and loss off life as he knows it... 23/10/2007 17:00 GMT
123 *sigh* 23/10/2007 13:15 GMT
124 Pain and the crabbies...what next? 22/10/2007 17:30 GMT
125 Stuffed. 21/10/2007 19:45 GMT
126 Just another thrilling day... 20/10/2007 18:15 GMT
127 Rainy, yucky, Friday... 19/10/2007 18:50 GMT
128 Normal is a beautiful thing! 18/10/2007 12:58 GMT
129 Almost time... 18/10/2007 09:07 GMT
130 Bored, bored, bored...til the kids come home 17/10/2007 18:02 GMT
131 Gray, gray...go away! 17/10/2007 07:39 GMT
132 Tired, pooped, yet wide the F awake 15/10/2007 11:14 GMT
133 300th entry! 14/10/2007 21:29 GMT
134 Ladies...can you relate to this? 14/10/2007 21:00 GMT
135 Hoop de doooo, hoop dee deeee 13/10/2007 21:26 GMT
136 Emotional day...but a good one 12/10/2007 19:23 GMT
137 Happy Birthday to my baby girl in Heaven 12/10/2007 13:03 GMT
138 Back on track... 11/10/2007 11:54 GMT
139 Shades....paint....shades....paint....REPEAT!! 09/10/2007 05:03 GMT
140 Go Pats! Go Sox! Go Tony! 07/10/2007 18:24 GMT
141 Rotten day... 06/10/2007 18:34 GMT
142 Off my meds...think I'm manic 06/10/2007 12:02 GMT
143 A very busy, funfilled day... 29/09/2007 21:05 GMT
144 I may not survive sixteen... 26/09/2007 04:33 GMT
145 ....and furthermore 25/09/2007 22:00 GMT
146 What's a girl to do??? 25/09/2007 12:49 GMT
147 Just a day... 21/09/2007 07:59 GMT
148 How Will I Laugh Tomorrow.... 20/09/2007 19:19 GMT
149 Interesting...verrrrry interesting! 20/09/2007 02:18 GMT
150 SKUNKED! 18/09/2007 05:24 GMT
151 What is my problem??? 17/09/2007 01:05 GMT
152 Actually...a really good day! 13/09/2007 08:29 GMT
153 Lazy day off! 12/09/2007 04:38 GMT
154 La dee dah...a pretty good day 11/09/2007 08:05 GMT
155 Better...I guess 10/09/2007 04:57 GMT
156 It's been a few days... 09/09/2007 08:50 GMT
157 I feel rotten! 05/09/2007 19:33 GMT
158 A big fat negative! 03/09/2007 18:55 GMT
159 Great night...and I'M LATE 02/09/2007 04:33 GMT
160 Mountain Dew'd 31/08/2007 23:21 GMT
161 *SOB* 1st day of 1st grade! 30/08/2007 09:07 GMT
162 Interesting insights....and the end of summer 29/08/2007 21:55 GMT
163 We kissed and made up... 28/08/2007 20:50 GMT
164 P.S. to last night's entry.... 28/08/2007 08:12 GMT
165 Days like this I question being married... 27/08/2007 22:10 GMT
166 Busy weekend 27/08/2007 10:56 GMT
167 Another "momless" soul today...an entry for Jewel 23/08/2007 16:53 GMT
168 Trying to stay awake! 22/08/2007 16:14 GMT
169 Happy 16th Matt! 21/08/2007 15:10 GMT
170 Ugh...another day 20/08/2007 12:31 GMT
171 Another day done... 19/08/2007 20:04 GMT
172 Party POOPED! 18/08/2007 23:07 GMT
173 Clean, shop, bake...repeat! 17/08/2007 03:27 GMT
174 Flippin' on caffene! 16/08/2007 12:05 GMT
175 PISSED! 15/08/2007 06:35 GMT
176 12 years together... 14/08/2007 21:16 GMT
177 Be careful what you ask for... 13/08/2007 17:30 GMT
178 TONY WINS AGAIN! 12/08/2007 07:24 GMT
179 It's a good day so far..... 11/08/2007 15:18 GMT
180 Pizza and Podding 10/08/2007 08:10 GMT
181 I have become comfortably numb 09/08/2007 10:57 GMT
182 Kittens, puppies and kids.... 09/08/2007 07:42 GMT
183 Don't wanna go to work! 08/08/2007 12:51 GMT
184 Girls day out! 07/08/2007 05:50 GMT
185 Miserable Monday 06/08/2007 12:02 GMT
186 Just another working Sunday... 05/08/2007 06:31 GMT
187 Not the greatest day 04/08/2007 02:11 GMT
188 Pizza! 03/08/2007 21:11 GMT
189 STILL no Angelina! 02/08/2007 08:24 GMT
190 It's a me and the big kid day... 01/08/2007 11:32 GMT
191 There is a gigantic void tonight... 01/08/2007 07:01 GMT
192 A late night for me...and stuff! 31/07/2007 22:29 GMT
193 Spawns of Satan...lol *rolls eyes* 30/07/2007 02:56 GMT
194 Tony kisses the Bricks!! 29/07/2007 20:54 GMT
195 Thunder and a loada poop 28/07/2007 19:55 GMT
196 Arrrrrrrrgh....for lack of a better word! 27/07/2007 14:44 GMT
197 Just a quicky... 26/07/2007 17:35 GMT
198 A good day was had and a question... 25/07/2007 18:38 GMT
199 Ponderings..... 25/07/2007 08:52 GMT
200 Halfway there 24/07/2007 12:08 GMT
201 Group therapy is offically OVER! 23/07/2007 17:49 GMT
202 Ok Felix was right... 21/07/2007 16:42 GMT
203 stolen from mammabear :O) 21/07/2007 05:12 GMT
204 Facing my demons... 20/07/2007 15:36 GMT
205 One step forward, two steps back... 19/07/2007 12:54 GMT
206 Weatherman lust or is fantasy OK? 18/07/2007 17:38 GMT
207 Victory...one baby step at a time 17/07/2007 16:09 GMT
208 The Green Eyed Monster 16/07/2007 14:50 GMT
209 Just a Sunday afternoon... 15/07/2007 01:19 GMT
210 What to do...what to do...what to do 14/07/2007 14:50 GMT
211 I ROCK! 13/07/2007 15:44 GMT
212 Just OK 12/07/2007 16:49 GMT
213 HICCUPS! 12/07/2007 07:48 GMT
214 Humidity, the frizzies and iced coffee 11/07/2007 17:19 GMT
215 "Fake it til ya make it!" LOL 10/07/2007 12:50 GMT
216 I got my last day... 09/07/2007 09:16 GMT
217 Good morning... 08/07/2007 11:16 GMT
218 Finally...a decent day! 07/07/2007 12:18 GMT
219 Baby pic! Too cute! 07/07/2007 11:13 GMT
220 All American Bad Boy! 06/07/2007 20:00 GMT
221 Thunder go BOOM! 06/07/2007 15:35 GMT
222 Not doing so great today...F-A-I-L-U-R-E 05/07/2007 13:03 GMT
223 I did it! I did it!!! *dances around room* 03/07/2007 15:18 GMT
224 Relief has swept over me... 03/07/2007 09:48 GMT
225 Anxious, anxious, anxious... 02/07/2007 05:06 GMT
226 Just another day... 01/07/2007 06:39 GMT
227 Beyond bored!!! 30/06/2007 03:34 GMT
228 NO KIDS!!!! 29/06/2007 04:33 GMT
229 Hello again...hello 28/06/2007 01:00 GMT
230 Going back to work! 25/06/2007 01:23 GMT
231 Saturday update... 23/06/2007 03:58 GMT
232 Struggling... 22/06/2007 07:46 GMT
233 200th entry...blah, blah, blah 21/06/2007 09:27 GMT
234 What if I suceeded? What then? 19/06/2007 10:35 GMT
235 Boring day, missing Mom 18/06/2007 07:23 GMT
236 Down one kid today... 16/06/2007 04:33 GMT
237 The Tooth Fairy cometh soon! 15/06/2007 01:54 GMT
238 What to do...what to do 14/06/2007 08:58 GMT
239 Yea! Whoo hoo! A good day!! 14/06/2007 02:18 GMT
240 Kids & Kitties 13/06/2007 01:46 GMT
241 Thankfully, a better day... 12/06/2007 03:42 GMT
242 Bummin' bigtime 11/06/2007 03:16 GMT
243 Sometimes that call comes just in time... 09/06/2007 03:51 GMT
244 Old friends... 08/06/2007 05:32 GMT
245 Even a Wiggle gets the blues 07/06/2007 10:21 GMT
246 It's a beautiful day! 07/06/2007 04:20 GMT
247 Just another day...*sigh* 06/06/2007 01:14 GMT
248 Bundle of nerves 05/06/2007 10:59 GMT
249 RACE DAY! 04/06/2007 01:37 GMT
250 Sunday, boring Sunday 03/06/2007 02:49 GMT
251 Another hot one... 02/06/2007 11:32 GMT
252 Too hot! 01/06/2007 04:14 GMT
253 Drained... 31/05/2007 01:10 GMT
254 O happy day... 30/05/2007 04:46 GMT
255 Monday on Tuesday 29/05/2007 01:32 GMT
256 Peaceful easy feeling... 28/05/2007 03:24 GMT
257 Another good day... 26/05/2007 12:21 GMT
258 Mellow... 25/05/2007 02:06 GMT
259 partly sunny... 24/05/2007 04:13 GMT
260 And so it goes... 23/05/2007 04:12 GMT
261 Partly cloudy... 22/05/2007 06:54 GMT
262 GLOOMY 21/05/2007 02:42 GMT
263 You Won't Ever Be Lonely 19/05/2007 01:01 GMT
264 Trivial fluff 18/05/2007 03:17 GMT
265 A poem about depression 17/05/2007 06:51 GMT
266 Just want to SCREAM! 17/05/2007 02:57 GMT
267 Where am I going? 16/05/2007 02:36 GMT
268 Hello world.... 15/05/2007 02:27 GMT
269 To my mom in Heaven 13/05/2007 12:35 GMT
270 Calm before the storm 13/05/2007 08:52 GMT
271 Agitated!! 12/05/2007 02:44 GMT
272 So far, so good 11/05/2007 01:56 GMT
273 Finally, a reason to smile 10/05/2007 04:32 GMT
274 Starting outpatient therapy...NERVOUS! 07/05/2007 09:37 GMT
275 A million questions later... 07/05/2007 04:32 GMT
276 Where is my happiness? 05/05/2007 03:30 GMT
277 Alive,home and reasonably OK 03/05/2007 04:07 GMT
278 I'm not happy... 30/04/2007 09:12 GMT
279 Quiet day 27/04/2007 02:08 GMT
280 Time Stand Still... 26/04/2007 03:35 GMT
281 WIDE THE HELL AWAKE 25/04/2007 11:04 GMT
282 My horoscope today... 20/04/2007 03:54 GMT
283 Been awhile...hello again 13/04/2007 11:21 GMT
284 Back to reality... 03/04/2007 11:05 GMT
285 Thinking of Mom today 29/03/2007 12:25 GMT
286 I've returned... 28/03/2007 06:54 GMT
287 2 f*cking days of hell 24/03/2007 02:28 GMT
288 A letter to my baby angel, Francesca 22/03/2007 10:35 GMT
289 Bibbity,bibbity,bibbity 20/03/2007 06:42 GMT
290 It's a Monday...yippee! 19/03/2007 09:04 GMT
291 Headaches and Spongebob 17/03/2007 09:30 GMT
292 A favorite song for my sweety! 17/03/2007 09:26 GMT
293 crushes and mindless gushing! 16/03/2007 01:20 GMT
294 Down 15/03/2007 12:19 GMT
295 A Perfectly Perfect Day! 14/03/2007 07:49 GMT
296 I got my tickets! Sooo going away soon! 13/03/2007 12:47 GMT
297 All have calmed down.... 13/03/2007 05:22 GMT
298 Depressed about son...what to do?? 13/03/2007 03:00 GMT
299 La dee dah, another workng Sunday 11/03/2007 09:29 GMT
300 Sleepy time 09/03/2007 09:27 GMT
301 "In My Daughter's Eyes" 08/03/2007 05:07 GMT
302 Cherish your children... 08/03/2007 01:29 GMT
303 Ahhh...no work! 07/03/2007 04:43 GMT
304 Retail is not for sissies! 04/03/2007 06:45 GMT
305 Monday, Monday, Monday... 26/02/2007 06:58 GMT
306 Back to my normal self 22/02/2007 07:33 GMT
307 What is my f***ing problem? 17/02/2007 03:56 GMT