My Dear Diary
claudzilla Diary Friday 25, July 2008  

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This is a journal about my ups and downs with bipolar disorder. I want so badly to live a "normal" life...but as the title says "this IS my normal".
This IS my normal
by claudzilla
Age: 41  Sex: F

476 Entries
# Entry Date
1 Awake at 5 am...huh? 25/07/2008 05:06 GMT
2 5 AM... 24/07/2008 10:40 GMT
3 Good news 24/07/2008 03:45 GMT
4 Insomnia. 23/07/2008 11:55 GMT
5 Beach day bummer... 23/07/2008 09:28 GMT
6 I'm finally home : ) 22/07/2008 05:14 GMT
7 I'm terrified... 17/07/2008 12:01 GMT
8 I hate my job. I hate my life. I hate everything. 16/07/2008 10:56 GMT
9 Fallout. 16/07/2008 08:47 GMT
10 Further digging and an insight... 14/07/2008 16:55 GMT
11 Crossroads 14/07/2008 10:54 GMT
12 I hate this. 12/07/2008 10:32 GMT
13 Baa, baa, baa... 12/07/2008 09:09 GMT
14 It's been 2 weeks...why suddenly NOW? 11/07/2008 11:37 GMT
15 Neil Peart...Greatest Drummer EVER 08/07/2008 18:47 GMT
16 Vacation update... 08/07/2008 02:22 GMT
17 Quick update... 05/07/2008 10:19 GMT
18 Frazzled...but feeling better 03/07/2008 06:34 GMT
19 Flashbacks...(edit) 02/07/2008 15:15 GMT
20 Numbness.... 01/07/2008 02:11 GMT
21 Overwelming guilt...let the healing begin. 30/06/2008 03:42 GMT
22 Terrifying weekend (not for younger readers) 29/06/2008 09:21 GMT
23 Shunned, 27/06/2008 08:58 GMT
24 scary depressed 27/06/2008 02:21 GMT
25 Stupid MDD! 26/06/2008 02:19 GMT
26 Blatant...utter...naughtiness! 24/06/2008 14:33 GMT
27 Peace and quiet (for now anyway) 21/06/2008 03:00 GMT
28 Is that light? 20/06/2008 08:01 GMT
29 The beach... 20/06/2008 04:01 GMT
30 Falling...falling...falling..... 19/06/2008 12:06 GMT
31 I slammed him...and felt a release 18/06/2008 11:53 GMT
32 Mania slipping...coming down hard 18/06/2008 09:17 GMT
33 What a week...day...night... 17/06/2008 00:52 GMT
34 He responded... 12/06/2008 10:42 GMT
35 An update on what's what... 11/06/2008 08:43 GMT
36 Not a good day...Dad's in the hospital 07/06/2008 09:32 GMT
37 Ahhhhhh.T.G.I.F.F.!!!! 06/06/2008 08:05 GMT
38 Mania...here we go again 06/06/2008 02:02 GMT
39 A really good day... 02/06/2008 23:06 GMT
40 A lousy weekend. Period. 01/06/2008 09:41 GMT
41 Just a passing thought... 31/05/2008 05:49 GMT
42 I saw the Piano Man last night! 30/05/2008 04:03 GMT
43 No news is good news 27/05/2008 00:23 GMT
44 Normalness...*sigh* 16/05/2008 23:50 GMT
45 So...very...tired! 14/05/2008 20:42 GMT
46 Don't know which way is up... 10/05/2008 13:57 GMT
47 In a field full of wildflowers-I am the dandelion 09/05/2008 08:20 GMT
48 The pain of rapid cycing...help me thru this 07/05/2008 12:27 GMT
49 About me...by me! 06/05/2008 04:15 GMT
50 Oops..has it really been a week since I updated? 01/05/2008 09:40 GMT
51 Don't feel like writng, but having a bad day 23/04/2008 15:06 GMT
52 An epiphony.... 18/04/2008 20:23 GMT
53 Isolation 17/04/2008 02:44 GMT
54 Don't feel much like writing... 15/04/2008 16:06 GMT
55 Not a stellar day... 11/04/2008 16:26 GMT
56 Scrambled brains... 09/04/2008 15:12 GMT
57 Riddled with anxiety today 04/04/2008 15:25 GMT
58 Hyper-caffenated! 02/04/2008 02:43 GMT
59 A realization...one day late 01/04/2008 06:44 GMT
60 Anxious & high strung 31/03/2008 19:53 GMT
61 I went to church today... 30/03/2008 21:25 GMT
62 I've discovered something about me... 28/03/2008 03:24 GMT
63 My 9 days away...in brief this time! 27/03/2008 19:10 GMT
64 I'm home...finally 27/03/2008 11:27 GMT
65 Pills....beckoning me 18/03/2008 12:12 GMT
66 A lost soul...crying for help 17/03/2008 11:00 GMT
67 Not well... 17/03/2008 04:01 GMT
68 Ah Sunday... 16/03/2008 06:49 GMT
69 Galavanting we go.... 15/03/2008 04:04 GMT
70 An update on my sister 14/03/2008 17:53 GMT
71 Up for half the night.... 14/03/2008 12:09 GMT
72 My 10 days away...days 1-5 13/03/2008 12:28 GMT
73 I'm home! 13/03/2008 11:05 GMT
74 My 10 days away...days 7-10 13/03/2008 03:44 GMT
75 My 10 days away...day 6 13/03/2008 02:10 GMT
76 Hospitalized............. 05/03/2008 08:19 GMT
77 An incredibly awful, really bad morning 03/03/2008 10:09 GMT
78 Sooooooo tired! 01/03/2008 08:58 GMT
79 2:45 am....huh? 01/03/2008 02:45 GMT
80 A perfectly OK day....for me! 29/02/2008 13:42 GMT
81 You Are Loved (Don't Give Up) 29/02/2008 02:33 GMT
82 Now what??? 28/02/2008 12:57 GMT
83 Happy dreams....crushing reality 28/02/2008 08:30 GMT
84 Update: some decent news 28/02/2008 05:58 GMT
85 Almost out of the hole 27/02/2008 09:52 GMT
86 Sushi and moodiness 27/02/2008 08:26 GMT
87 Slipped...fell into that hole....now what? 27/02/2008 02:04 GMT
88 AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS 26/02/2008 16:52 GMT
89 Things to remember... 26/02/2008 16:48 GMT
90 Just being 26/02/2008 12:52 GMT
91 Could it be....hormones???? 25/02/2008 20:07 GMT
92 Heading downwards.... 25/02/2008 12:42 GMT
93 Feeling phhhbbbbt (edit) 24/02/2008 21:00 GMT
94 The hole beckons.... 23/02/2008 10:57 GMT
95 Feeling better... 23/02/2008 04:40 GMT
96 A loooooooooooong coupla days 21/02/2008 20:48 GMT
97 Happy, happy, joy, joy...it'sTuesday 19/02/2008 07:32 GMT
98 "Rockband" Rocks!! 16/02/2008 00:04 GMT
99 Jabber 15/02/2008 21:40 GMT
100 Happy Valentine's Day! 14/02/2008 03:29 GMT
101 VROOOM....SCREEEECH....THUD! 13/02/2008 20:27 GMT
102 YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK! 13/02/2008 02:08 GMT
103 Yup, he's sick alright.... 12/02/2008 15:32 GMT
104 Another one bites the dust... 12/02/2008 09:36 GMT
105 I feel like the bad guy now... 12/02/2008 06:30 GMT
106 Down with the sickness 11/02/2008 06:02 GMT
107 So glad today is DONE! 10/02/2008 19:23 GMT
108 Boogity boogity boogity! Let's go racing boys!!!! 09/02/2008 08:17 GMT
109 Sick kid AGAIN 08/02/2008 16:00 GMT
110 Therapy day... 07/02/2008 12:00 GMT
111 Tell me this, is it wrong... 07/02/2008 02:19 GMT
112 Report card=aggrevation!!. 06/02/2008 02:04 GMT
113 *sigh* 05/02/2008 10:46 GMT
114 Pats lose...fun night tho! 04/02/2008 11:40 GMT
115 A good day at long last... 02/02/2008 09:00 GMT
116 A small ray of sunshine.... 01/02/2008 12:26 GMT
117 Heavy, wet, wool blanket... 31/01/2008 18:25 GMT
118 Wanna curl up and go *POOF!* 31/01/2008 08:44 GMT
119 An OK day... 30/01/2008 08:18 GMT
120 Blue funk...here we go again 29/01/2008 12:04 GMT
121 Monday's are like a vacuum.... 28/01/2008 07:41 GMT
122 Relax? Who me? 26/01/2008 08:01 GMT
123 Don't feel like going to work... 25/01/2008 10:47 GMT
124 I wish I was somewhere else 24/01/2008 20:45 GMT
125 Ahhhhhh, just a day 23/01/2008 19:55 GMT
126 My kiddo is sick! 22/01/2008 19:55 GMT
127 Football day.... 20/01/2008 12:33 GMT
128 Idle thoughts.... 20/01/2008 08:32 GMT
129 All stoofed up... 18/01/2008 07:46 GMT
130 A return to the 21st century! 17/01/2008 02:30 GMT
131 Meds adjusted...life is slowly getting better 11/01/2008 02:37 GMT
132 Happy New Year? I think not... 08/01/2008 10:50 GMT
133 A Christmas never to forget... 26/12/2007 02:07 GMT
134 One week to go 18/12/2007 10:08 GMT
135 The weekend catches up to me 10/12/2007 12:58 GMT
136 Holiday spirit kicks in big time! 07/12/2007 12:18 GMT
137 Life without the internet 03/12/2007 01:58 GMT
138 It's over...time to rest! 22/11/2007 20:07 GMT
139 My blessings for today... 22/11/2007 07:56 GMT
140 Ready...set...GO!! 21/11/2007 09:11 GMT
141 Better...better...better 20/11/2007 19:45 GMT
142 ...And a lousy day was had by all. 19/11/2007 19:35 GMT
143 Sunday update and a Halloween pic! 18/11/2007 21:15 GMT
144 One down...one to go! 17/11/2007 09:06 GMT
145 It's Friday! 16/11/2007 21:40 GMT
146 Procrastination rules! 15/11/2007 12:55 GMT
147 Spiritual visit? 14/11/2007 20:32 GMT
148 Shopper girls! 13/11/2007 20:00 GMT
149 And it all started with a funny joke... 13/11/2007 09:03 GMT
150 Migraine...and a doggy pic! 10/11/2007 14:29 GMT
151 One more sign.... 09/11/2007 12:08 GMT
152 Alone...by myself...just me....again. 08/11/2007 23:33 GMT
153 So very, very sad today :( 08/11/2007 11:28 GMT
154 Nightmares and another sleepy day... 06/11/2007 16:40 GMT
155 Monday...yup...it's Monday. 05/11/2007 18:58 GMT
156 It's great to live in New England! 04/11/2007 08:08 GMT
157 Rainy days and chicken zoop! 03/11/2007 18:30 GMT
158 So...very...tired! 02/11/2007 08:58 GMT
159 "I got a rock." 30/10/2007 20:02 GMT
160 Red Sox hangover! 29/10/2007 07:47 GMT
161 Sox, Pats, Tony and meatloaf!! 28/10/2007 07:39 GMT
162 1st Halloween Dance! 27/10/2007 12:46 GMT
163 So Happy It'sThursday 25/10/2007 08:34 GMT
164 Last night was actually good! 24/10/2007 09:06 GMT
165 I love him but...but...but... 24/10/2007 02:53 GMT
166 Bad attitudes and loss off life as he knows it... 23/10/2007 17:00 GMT
167 *sigh* 23/10/2007 13:15 GMT
168 Pain and the crabbies...what next? 22/10/2007 17:30 GMT
169 Stuffed. 21/10/2007 19:45 GMT
170 Just another thrilling day... 20/10/2007 18:15 GMT
171 Rainy, yucky, Friday... 19/10/2007 18:50 GMT
172 Normal is a beautiful thing! 18/10/2007 12:58 GMT
173 Almost time... 18/10/2007 09:07 GMT
174 Bored, bored, bored...til the kids come home 17/10/2007 18:02 GMT
175 Gray, gray...go away! 17/10/2007 07:39 GMT
176 Tired, pooped, yet wide the F awake 15/10/2007 11:14 GMT
177 300th entry! 14/10/2007 21:29 GMT
178 Ladies...can you relate to this? 14/10/2007 21:00 GMT
179 Hoop de doooo, hoop dee deeee 13/10/2007 21:26 GMT
180 Emotional day...but a good one 12/10/2007 19:23 GMT
181 Happy Birthday to my baby girl in Heaven 12/10/2007 13:03 GMT
182 Back on track... 11/10/2007 11:54 GMT
183 Shades....paint....shades....paint....REPEAT!! 09/10/2007 05:03 GMT
184 Go Pats! Go Sox! Go Tony! 07/10/2007 18:24 GMT
185 Rotten day... 06/10/2007 18:34 GMT
186 Off my meds...think I'm manic 06/10/2007 12:02 GMT
187 A very busy, funfilled day... 29/09/2007 21:05 GMT
188 I may not survive sixteen... 26/09/2007 04:33 GMT
189 ....and furthermore 25/09/2007 22:00 GMT
190 What's a girl to do??? 25/09/2007 12:49 GMT
191 Just a day... 21/09/2007 07:59 GMT
192 How Will I Laugh Tomorrow.... 20/09/2007 19:19 GMT
193 Interesting...verrrrry interesting! 20/09/2007 02:18 GMT
194 SKUNKED! 18/09/2007 05:24 GMT
195 What is my problem??? 17/09/2007 01:05 GMT
196 Actually...a really good day! 13/09/2007 08:29 GMT
197 Lazy day off! 12/09/2007 04:38 GMT
198 La dee dah...a pretty good day 11/09/2007 08:05 GMT
199 Better...I guess 10/09/2007 04:57 GMT
200 It's been a few days... 09/09/2007 08:50 GMT
201 I feel rotten! 05/09/2007 19:33 GMT
202 A big fat negative! 03/09/2007 18:55 GMT
203 Great night...and I'M LATE 02/09/2007 04:33 GMT
204 Mountain Dew'd 31/08/2007 23:21 GMT
205 *SOB* 1st day of 1st grade! 30/08/2007 09:07 GMT
206 Interesting insights....and the end of summer 29/08/2007 21:55 GMT
207 We kissed and made up... 28/08/2007 20:50 GMT
208 P.S. to last night's entry.... 28/08/2007 08:12 GMT
209 Days like this I question being married... 27/08/2007 22:10 GMT
210 Busy weekend 27/08/2007 10:56 GMT
211 Another "momless" soul today...an entry for Jewel 23/08/2007 16:53 GMT
212 Trying to stay awake! 22/08/2007 16:14 GMT
213 Happy 16th Matt! 21/08/2007 15:10 GMT
214 Ugh...another day 20/08/2007 12:31 GMT
215 Another day done... 19/08/2007 20:04 GMT
216 Party POOPED! 18/08/2007 23:07 GMT
217 Clean, shop, bake...repeat! 17/08/2007 03:27 GMT
218 Flippin' on caffene! 16/08/2007 12:05 GMT
219 PISSED! 15/08/2007 06:35 GMT
220 12 years together... 14/08/2007 21:16 GMT
221 Be careful what you ask for... 13/08/2007 17:30 GMT
222 TONY WINS AGAIN! 12/08/2007 07:24 GMT
223 It's a good day so far..... 11/08/2007 15:18 GMT
224 Pizza and Podding 10/08/2007 08:10 GMT
225 I have become comfortably numb 09/08/2007 10:57 GMT
226 Kittens, puppies and kids.... 09/08/2007 07:42 GMT
227 Don't wanna go to work! 08/08/2007 12:51 GMT
228 Girls day out! 07/08/2007 05:50 GMT
229 Miserable Monday 06/08/2007 12:02 GMT
230 Just another working Sunday... 05/08/2007 06:31 GMT
231 Not the greatest day 04/08/2007 02:11 GMT
232 Pizza! 03/08/2007 21:11 GMT
233 STILL no Angelina! 02/08/2007 08:24 GMT
234 It's a me and the big kid day... 01/08/2007 11:32 GMT
235 There is a gigantic void tonight... 01/08/2007 07:01 GMT
236 A late night for me...and stuff! 31/07/2007 22:29 GMT
237 Spawns of Satan...lol *rolls eyes* 30/07/2007 02:56 GMT
238 Tony kisses the Bricks!! 29/07/2007 20:54 GMT
239 Thunder and a loada poop 28/07/2007 19:55 GMT
240 Arrrrrrrrgh....for lack of a better word! 27/07/2007 14:44 GMT
241 Just a quicky... 26/07/2007 17:35 GMT
242 A good day was had and a question... 25/07/2007 18:38 GMT
243 Ponderings..... 25/07/2007 08:52 GMT
244 Halfway there 24/07/2007 12:08 GMT
245 Group therapy is offically OVER! 23/07/2007 17:49 GMT
246 Ok Felix was right... 21/07/2007 16:42 GMT
247 stolen from mammabear :O) 21/07/2007 05:12 GMT
248 Facing my demons... 20/07/2007 15:36 GMT
249 One step forward, two steps back... 19/07/2007 12:54 GMT
250 Weatherman lust or is fantasy OK? 18/07/2007 17:38 GMT
251 Victory...one baby step at a time 17/07/2007 16:09 GMT
252 The Green Eyed Monster 16/07/2007 14:50 GMT
253 Just a Sunday afternoon... 15/07/2007 01:19 GMT
254 What to do...what to do...what to do 14/07/2007 14:50 GMT
255 I ROCK! 13/07/2007 15:44 GMT
256 Just OK 12/07/2007 16:49 GMT
257 HICCUPS! 12/07/2007 07:48 GMT
258 Humidity, the frizzies and iced coffee 11/07/2007 17:19 GMT
259 "Fake it til ya make it!" LOL 10/07/2007 12:50 GMT
260 I got my last day... 09/07/2007 09:16 GMT
261 Good morning... 08/07/2007 11:16 GMT
262 Finally...a decent day! 07/07/2007 12:18 GMT
263 Baby pic! Too cute! 07/07/2007 11:13 GMT
264 All American Bad Boy! 06/07/2007 20:00 GMT
265 Thunder go BOOM! 06/07/2007 15:35 GMT
266 Not doing so great today...F-A-I-L-U-R-E 05/07/2007 13:03 GMT
267 I did it! I did it!!! *dances around room* 03/07/2007 15:18 GMT
268 Relief has swept over me... 03/07/2007 09:48 GMT
269 Anxious, anxious, anxious... 02/07/2007 05:06 GMT
270 Just another day... 01/07/2007 06:39 GMT
271 Beyond bored!!! 30/06/2007 03:34 GMT
272 NO KIDS!!!! 29/06/2007 04:33 GMT
273 Hello again...hello 28/06/2007 01:00 GMT
274 Going back to work! 25/06/2007 01:23 GMT
275 Saturday update... 23/06/2007 03:58 GMT
276 Struggling... 22/06/2007 07:46 GMT
277 200th entry...blah, blah, blah 21/06/2007 09:27 GMT
278 What if I suceeded? What then? 19/06/2007 10:35 GMT
279 Boring day, missing Mom 18/06/2007 07:23 GMT
280 Down one kid today... 16/06/2007 04:33 GMT
281 The Tooth Fairy cometh soon! 15/06/2007 01:54 GMT
282 What to do...what to do 14/06/2007 08:58 GMT
283 Yea! Whoo hoo! A good day!! 14/06/2007 02:18 GMT
284 Kids & Kitties 13/06/2007 01:46 GMT
285 Thankfully, a better day... 12/06/2007 03:42 GMT
286 Bummin' bigtime 11/06/2007 03:16 GMT
287 Sometimes that call comes just in time... 09/06/2007 03:51 GMT
288 Old friends... 08/06/2007 05:32 GMT
289 Even a Wiggle gets the blues 07/06/2007 10:21 GMT
290 It's a beautiful day! 07/06/2007 04:20 GMT
291 Just another day...*sigh* 06/06/2007 01:14 GMT
292 Bundle of nerves 05/06/2007 10:59 GMT
293 RACE DAY! 04/06/2007 01:37 GMT
294 Sunday, boring Sunday 03/06/2007 02:49 GMT
295 Another hot one... 02/06/2007 11:32 GMT
296 Too hot! 01/06/2007 04:14 GMT
297 Drained... 31/05/2007 01:10 GMT
298 O happy day... 30/05/2007 04:46 GMT
299 Monday on Tuesday 29/05/2007 01:32 GMT
300 Peaceful easy feeling... 28/05/2007 03:24 GMT
301 Another good day... 26/05/2007 12:21 GMT
302 Mellow... 25/05/2007 02:06 GMT
303 partly sunny... 24/05/2007 04:13 GMT
304 And so it goes... 23/05/2007 04:12 GMT
305 Partly cloudy... 22/05/2007 06:54 GMT
306 GLOOMY 21/05/2007 02:42 GMT
307 You Won't Ever Be Lonely 19/05/2007 01:01 GMT